🌿 When You Finally Choose Yourself (And Stop Apologizing for It)

🌸 This post is part of the Sacred Return series — a 6-part blog journey on redefining success, self, and soul. Each piece is an invitation to remember who you are and come home to yourself.

There comes a moment in every woman’s life when she realizes:
No one is coming to rescue her.
No one is going to hand her a permission slip to rest, dream, or rise.

🌸 Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. It’s sacred. And long overdue.

I learned this truth the hard way—in the middle of raising three children and building a national staffing firm from scratch. I was the woman with the answers, the drive, the plan. I wore the title of CEO, mother, partner, and emotional backbone like badges of honor.

But behind the hustle was a woman running on fumes.

I was so good at showing up for everyone else…
...and so out of practice when it came to showing up for myself.

Until one day, a wise friend asked me a question that cracked me wide open:

🌸 “Where are you on your own totem pole?

It stopped me in my tracks.
Because the truth was: I was at the very bottom.
Crushed under the weight of everyone else's needs, opinions, and emergencies—most of which I had trained myself to carry.

That question didn’t just wake me up. It invited me home to myself.

🌿 Reclaiming Your Place at the Top

Let’s be clear: putting yourself first doesn’t mean putting others last.
But it does mean taking yourself off the darn back burner.

I began the slow, sacred process of moving myself to the top of my own totem pole.
Not by burning it all down (though that was tempting) … but by learning to pause, to say no, and to recognize that every quiet “yes” to myself was a revolutionary act of healing.

It wasn’t always graceful. It wasn’t always easy.
But it was necessary. And it changed everything.

🌿 Reflections to Help You Choose Yourself — Without Guilt

🌸 1. Reflect: Where Are You on Your Own Totem Pole?

Be honest.

🌱 Are you running your life like a business, managing tasks and people—but leaving yourself off the balance sheet?
🌱 What drains you daily that you’ve convinced yourself is just “part of being strong”?
🌱 What would it look like to say yes to yourself today—even in one small, sacred way?
🌱 Where can you lovingly replace an automatic “sure” with a soul-led “not this time”?

💗 These two tools have helped me check in with myself that you may find helpful:

→ The Five-Minute Journal – A grounding, no-fluff ritual to connect with yourself before the world floods in.
→ Untamed by Glennon Doyle – A fierce, freeing reminder to stop betraying who you already are.

🌿 Learn the Art of Saying No (Without Guilt or a 12-Slide Explanation)

Raise your hand if you've ever said yes and then immediately regretted it 🙋‍♀️
Saying no doesn’t make you difficult. It makes you clear.

Before you agree to something, pause and ask:

🌱 Does this align with who I’m becoming?
🌱 Does this respect my bandwidth, energy, and values?
🌱 Is this a full-bodied yes—or a polite obligation?

If it’s not a hell yes… it’s a no.
And if it costs your peace, you can’t afford it.

💗 Need backup? Start here:

→ The Book of Boundaries by Melissa Urban – Practical scripts and soulful strategies for setting limits that protect your peace.

→ The Power of Learning to Say No – I created this workbook to help you practice saying no without shrinking and it’s on sale!

🌿Choose Yourself Daily — Not Just Once

This isn’t a one-time declaration.
It’s a practice.

Every time you say yes to rest instead of rushing...
Every time you close your laptop on time...
Every time you move your dreams back to the front burner—you’re choosing yourself.

🌱 Choosing yourself means trusting that your needs matter.
🌱 It means putting your name at the top of your own damn to-do list.
🌱 It means showing up like someone whose time, presence, and energy are precious—because they are.

You don’t need a milestone to make it official.
You just need to make the next small choice that honors you.

Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re clarity. They’re peace. They’re the way you stop apologizing for taking up space.

🌿Trust the Strength in Your Boundaries

The first time I said, “Actually… that doesn’t work for me,” I thought the world might end. It didn’t.

🌱 You’re not too much for having needs.
🌱 You’re not selfish for needing space.
🌱 You’re not rude for saying no.

Boundaries are how we build a life that feels good—not just one that looks good.

And remember: “No” is a complete sentence. Period.

🌿Know That You Are Already Worthy — Without Proof

Let me say this plainly:

🌱 You don’t need to burn out to earn rest.
🌱 You don’t need to over-give to be loved.
🌱 You don’t need to prove anything to anyone—not even yourself.

Your worth is not in what you produce, manage, fix, or sacrifice. It’s in who you are.
And who you are is already enough. Choosing yourself is the moment you stop asking for permission—and start walking like the permission slip you’ve been waiting for.

💛 Want Help Saying No With More Confidence?

If this post stirred something in you — that quiet desire to set stronger boundaries, stop over-explaining, and start honoring your own time — I created something to support you.

My The Power of Learning to Say ‘No’ Workbook is a self-guided coaching tool designed to help you practice saying no clearly, calmly, and without guilt. It includes real-world prompts, reflection exercises, and gentle structure to help you begin shifting this pattern for good.

👉 On Sale Now - Download the Workbook Here

🌷 An Invitation for You

If you're tired of carrying it all. If you're ready to remember what your life feels like with you at the center of it...

✨ I invite you to book a 75-minute Breakthrough Coaching Session with me.

Together, we’ll clear the guilt, name what’s ready to change, and begin crafting a life that reflects who you truly are—not just who you’ve been expected to be.

👉 Book Your Session Here

Because the art of choosing yourself isn’t just an act.
It’s a return.
And it’s time.

🌿 Sacred Return — Blog Series Navigation

You’re reading Post 2 of the Sacred Return — a 6-part series on redefining success, realigning with truth, and creating a life rooted in soul.

👉 Post 1: There Comes a Moment
👉 Post 2: When You Finally Choose Yourself (you’re here)
👉 Post 3: The New Definition of Success (coming soon)
👉 Post 4: Coming Home to Yourself (coming soon)
👉 Post 5: The Power of the Pause (coming soon)
👉 Post 6: A Life That Feels Like Yours (working title)

✨ Because I Value Your Trust

Some of the links shared in this post are affiliate links. That means if you choose to purchase something I’ve recommended, I may receive a small commission—at no additional cost to you. I only ever share resources I genuinely love and believe can support your path. Thank you for helping me continue this work.